my last post was august 10th. over two months ago. so much has happened during our time apart i’m sure, but as of now there is only one thing that i can think of that is still the same.
i. am. still. pregnant.
my actual due date is not until the 20th of october, but yes, i am one of the many that has fallen into the belief that MY baby will arrive early and completely deprive me of those last few agonizing weeks of swollen feet and the need for an oxygen tank in order to walk from my house to the car. but she hasn’t. she is nice and snug and i have come to acknowledge the idea that she may be in there for the long haul. 40 weeks that is it.
no more. any more than that should never be allowed.
the reason why i was compelled to open my laptop instead of snoozing on the couch was despite all of the moaning and groaning i just did in the above paragraph, i actually wanted to write about this beautiful thing called pregnancy.
i have never really enjoyed pregnancy if we are being transparent. i say that with so much delicacy because i know that a lot of people would wear my complaints, plus some just in order to be pregnant. so please hear my heart on this. i am so lucky to be able to carry my own children. however, it’s tough. i will never tell another women or my kids for that matter that being pregnant is a piece of cake. if there is a side effect of being pregnant, i have experienced it. sure on the outside, i carry my belly well, i don’t gain a ton (only 50lbs, but i am tall) of weight… but on the inside my body trembles at the thought of being pregnant one more time.
i knew the day i found out about baby #4, that our family was complete. i just knew it. my husband and i never would have guessed that one day we would be a family of 6. there was even a day, believe or not that we considered only having ONE child. i honestly can’t imagine how differently our life would have been, had God not changed those plans. if you had asked me 6 years ago a few things i would NEVER do, those things would consist of driving a mini-van, homeschooling, giving birth naturally and buying fruit snacks in bulk just to have something to throw backwards while driving around the hungry vultures in the back.
those are just to name a few. and i have done all of them and then some.
but pregnancy. i sit here and my whole body hurts, my varicose veins are bulging up at me and i have to pee. for the 100th time today. but i stare at my belly in disbelief that God would choose me to do this, not once, but 4 times. that he would choose me to carry life. life in which He created. life in which He has purposed. He chose me to nurture, feed, soothe and actually BRING life into this world. i don’t know why.
i don’t have to know why in order to know that it is B I G. very big.
i wanted to write this blog being very pregnant. because one day i will miss the ability to tangibly carry life. i may even miss the swollen ankles and the jacked up thyroid. but i know that as this season of “toughness” leaves and a new season of life enters the nagy home… that one day i will look back and think how quickly these last 9 months flew by. how quickly the last 10 years have gone. and so on.
that no matter the struggle, the outcome will be good and it will be blessed because that is what my God has promised me.
it occurred to me that in a few weeks or whenever this babe decides to make her debut, that i will no longer carry tangible life on the inside of me. and there is a part of me that gets very sad at this one thought…
but then i remember that i carry life in a whole different way. life that is in my words, my actions, how i raise my kids and the justice that i stand for.
whether you are pregnant with your first child, your 4th or you have never been pregnant in your whole life, YOU carry life. you as a woman, carry meaning. you have the ability to change the lives of others by what you stand for, what you take action upon and what you do to change the world we live in. we can either sit around and complain about swollen ankles and or current circumstances, or we can get up, walk through the swollen places in our life and move on toward bigger and better things. never do we as women, have to sit and do nothing. He created us with a passion to carry life, His greatest possession.
i think that qualifies us to stand up and make a difference.
i want to encourage you that just as this one season of change for me is ending, a new season of life is just around the corner. the areas that i am leaving behind, may make me sad, but the new is going to bring much joy and satisfaction. just as in any part of our life, when one thing dies, God is bringing about something new, something alive, something that is going to bring you growth and enjoyment.
let what is dead in your life be removed and move on. He is ready to bring about something new.
debt, divorce, failure, you name it… whatever it is that you are carrying, carry it no more and choose to carry life as a woman of faith.
that is why HE created YOU. you only get one life. so carry it well sisters.
and here are a few of the amazing images of my very 1st maternity shoot that my friend blessed me with.
i am beyond thankful to have captured my last baby bump on camera.
and yes… that rainbow is real. not photoshop. another reminder of HIS ever so real promises.