Since I last wrote, we have welcomed our fourth baby girl into the Nagy mix. I don’t think I need to explain why my posts come and go with months in between. However, when the Lord speaks to me in a strong way and He tells me to share it on this blog… I choose to be obedient because I can only assume that there is someone out there that needs to hear these words as well. I love how God gives us nuggets of Truth, not just for us to consume it all ourselves but to share it with others. That is living the Kingdom life. It’s not just about us.
This morning after dropping the girls off at school, we came home. Which is rare because if you have followed my journey on Facebook, then you know that the last few months our furniture booth is my job and keeps me busy these days. But today, I knew that a morning at home was much needed. These type days have become my favorite. With Porter Rae changing each day and having 3 others that have paved the way, I know that this newborn season is the hardest but the most fleeting all at the same time. That one day soon, she will no longer curl her legs when lifted up, she will no longer sleep so easily on my chest and that newborn smell when I sniff the top of her head will soon be replaced with toddler “aromas.”
So the mornings that I get to spend at home, bouncing and rocking my baby are priceless to me. And I try to savor each moment. However, this morning was different. As I was bouncing her and looking at her deep blue eyes that will soon turn brown, I found myself in condemnation because I have not read my Bible like I usually do. I mean the laundry has collected on the tables, the diapers are always needing to be changed, nursing, painting, redoing furniture, consuming lots of coffee, sleepless nights… when can I fit it all in God? I love You, You know this… but I am not being a “good” Christian right now. I am too “busy” God. All of these thoughts were raging in my head and soon I felt like I had let down the One that loves me so. As the thoughts continued, He began to speak to me through those deep navy blue eyes.
He said, ” you spend time with Me everyday.”
But how God? My Bible app on the iPad hasn’t been opened in weeks and my Bible is literally collecting dust. I mean the only Word that I have rested on has been the verses I have memorized in my head, the few I gathered from the first couple chapters of the new Steven Furtick book and the ones I have scribbled on the pantry door to remind that He is enough when the food gets low. How could that be enough for you Lord?
He softly consumed me with such emotion. I began to cry as I held and bounced my baby girl and I began to see the Lord through her eyes. He was in her. Just as He is in me. I was cuddling with the Lord daily. I was bouncing and rocking and singing with Him. I was loving and cherishing my time with Him each day as I nurtured and took care of my baby’s needs. I was exactly where I needed to be in this season, doing exactly what I needed to do.
I began to sob as I realized His love for me, His love for her. All of the guilt and condemnation immediately left and I felt such grace and strength through what I would consider one of the hardest seasons of being a mommy of a newborn for the 4th and final time.
God sent His only son so that WE could have LIFE and life more abundantly. And I was holding life in my hands. She literally depends on me and her daddy to bring her life. We feed her, we keep her safe, we watch over her as she sleeps. Just as He does us.
So as I watched her gently close her eyes just before I laid her down for her morning nap, I realized that there is no greater worship to Him in this season that that of looking into my babies (all of them) eyes and giving Him praise that He would choose me to mother these four amazing world changers.
So if this is you, if you are under condemnation for not doing “enough” I just want to remind you to KNOW your season. Am I saying that you should not ever read His word? Absolutely not. The seasons that I have dug deep into His word, is what sustains me through seasons such as these. There will be a day when time begins with a quite home and the only one I have to get ready is myself. But until then He wants me to recognize the season he has me in, just as He does.
He knows where you are in life. Make Him a part of everything you do, bring praise to Him right where you are and give Him credit for it all. He can speak through ANYTHING, if you bring Him into EVERYTHING. It will truly bring life into your situation, remove condemnation and catapult you down the right path that He has for your life.
Know your season and praise Him through it. Do the best with what you are given, allow grace to do the rest and keep on keeping on. He’s got you, cuddling you in His mighty arms.